Rising strong is Brene Brown‘s book about getting back up after you fall.
The lovely thing is that it’s not just aimed at the big falls, the huge life changing falls, but also at your everyday falls, the ones all of us come across all of the time. Brene also doesn’t try to stop falling from hurting, she encourages us to feel the pain and face into it in order to move through it.
There are 3 clear steps in the Rising Strong process – a process that may take minutes or may take years – but it always starts with the reckoning.
The Reckoning – walking into our story.
This is where we get curious about what we are feeling, and how that is making us behave. Trying to put a label on the emotion, even if it’s not quite right. And listening to our thoughts and conversations were having with ourselves.
I think that this very act of getting curious about what we’re feeling, or why we just did what we did, in a non-judgemental way, can stop negative emotions in their tracks. You can’t be despairing and curious at the same time.
The Rumble – owning our own story.
Story is the key word here. All our truths are stories that we’ve made up based on what we’ve perceived. We add our own meaning to things, we don’t often get it right. The book suggests writing this story down whenever possible – not trying to make it pretty or to please others – a shitty first draft (SFD) to get it all page in all its hideous glory.
There is a handy phrase in the book to help talk about your SFD with those involved in the story. “The story I’m making up is….”. I love this for allowing us to say what we are really thinking and feeling, without directing blame at anyone else.
The rumble is where we examine what is true, what we are making up and what further information we need.
The Revolution – changing the ending
Writing a new ending to the story, with all our findings from the rumble. A new story that is more accurate, more empowering and allows us to be braver and happier.
If you take nothing else from this, take curiosity. Take stopping to ask yourself what’s going on, and why you feel this way. If the answer you get is (for example) “so and so is a dick”, ask again. The answer is never really about someone else’s actions, over which you have no control; it’s about why you’ve reacted the way you have, which you control completely.