How to Win at Life

I think I’m failing at life.
There seems to be hundreds of boxes you need to tick in order to be worthy of wining these days. You need to be –
Employed, not just employed but in career that pays well and you absolutely must be in line for promotion.  You should also be an entrepreneur….making your fortune with a side-hustle.
You should be in the Gym at 5am, at a spin class on your lunch break and doing Pilates after work.
You must only eat vegan, gluten free, low carb food that cannot contain palm oil or e-numbers. It should be locally sourced if you cannot grow it yourself. It definitely must not come packaged in plastic. If you’re eating a biscuit while you read this, or drinking anything other than water or green tea, you are not winning, you are losing.
All inclusive holidays don’t cut it – you must “travel”. Asia preferably. Ideally somewhere no one else has heard of.
You need to be married and have kids, or at least be planning to have kids. Also, marriage is a tool of the patriarchy, so you must not get married.
Make sure you’re up to date with the news, especially Brexit and Trump. You will also need to watch all boxsets on Netflix so you can discuss them in depth…but you probably shouldn’t spend time watching telly because that’s lazy – you should be creating instead – or doing charity work.
Don’t forget that you’ll also need to add some selfies and arty landscapes to Instagram, some commentary about the state of business on Linkedin, some witty remarks on Twitter and say happy birthday to everyone you know on Facebook…using a snazzy GIF.
All of this and you have to do it with a smile on your face and if you can’t manage that you’d better medicate until you can.


Here’s how you win at life.
Do lots of things that bring you joy.
Be kind to yourself and others.
Eat food that nourishes you and that you enjoy.
Stop caring about what everyone else is doing and what they think about what you’re doing.
Be grateful for what you have.

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