A few days ago a friend of mine posted the following quote on Facebook – “what you’re not changing, you’re choosing.” It hit me smack bang between the eyes.
Those of you who are familiar with my blog, or know me personally, will have noticed by now that I’m kinda big on being the author of your own story, of taking responsibility for your own future, of grabbing destiny by the balls and making it what you want, but these 6 little words pulled the rug from underneath me and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
How many things in my own life am I putting up with because I forgot I had a choice about whether I was going to allow them to take up valuable space in my world?
Are there people who I give my energy to because I feel I’m obliged too rather than because I get anything positive in return? There sure are. They aren’t bad people and they possibly don’t realise the impact they have on my internal resources – but I keep choosing to send energy in their direction. So I’m sorry to those people. It’s not you, it’s me. I have chosen to spend my energy on you up until now, but I only have a certain amount of fucks to spend and I can spend them more positively elsewhere. I’ll still smile and say “Hi” when we pass in the metaphorical hallway, but otherwise it’s Ciao for now.
Are there ruts I’m stuck in? Hell yes. I know there is, I whinge about them plenty. Still I choose to stay in them because the effort required to get out of them seems too great. I like to make out that I’ll just have to put up with them for now because of reasons, proper good reasons but really I am just choosing the easy way. It’s easier to start a new box set than it is to start a new chapter of my life, so I’ll do that instead.
Tomorrow I could decide that it’s the day for it all to change. It’s actually quite an empowering thought. I’m not a victim, I’m not actually stuck – I’m just working on getting myself out of different holes at the moment and I’ll work on the others another time. Rome wasn’t built in a day after all.
All that said, I’m really delighted with the majority of my choices. I’ll keep choosing to love and support my family. I’ll keep choosing to work on myself and help others do the same. I’ll keep choosing walking with the dog and sitting in the sun whenever I can and I’ll keep choosing to believe that it really is all my choice.