How’re the 20’s treating you so far?
I’m easing myself into it – I haven’t really made a start on much yet. It doesn’t feel like the year has begun until people get back into work properly and the schools start up again. I do realise that might be a bit of a daft way of looking at things from someone who doesn’t get a long break over Christmas, but there we go.
I’ve tried all sorts of resolutions over the years with little success. Every year I resolve to lose weight, let’s say 2 stone, but it has fluctuated, much like my weight. I also tried changing the goal from a number on the scale to a number on a label in the back of my jeans. Some years I even achieved it briefly, but when I didn’t feel like the different person I expected to feel like the pounds go back on.
I have focused on behaviour based goals too. This is better than focussing on an outcome, at least you can control this! I will follow this diet, I will go to the gym at least 5 times a week, I won’t eat bread, I’ll only eat chocolate on a Tuesday. Eventually (or rather quickly) I fall off the wagon and throw my arms in the air and give up. If I can’t do it perfectly why bother doing it at all?
I spent years fighting with myself over these things and I’m not going to do it anymore. The only resolution I have set myself for 2020 is to be a better parent to myself. Feed myself better, nag myself to try harder with work and put the laundry away. Make sure I get more fresh air and watch less TV. Forgive myself when I mess up and praise myself when I don’t. Love myself unconditionally.
You don’t need to be a whole new you this year either– you are pretty fab as you are. You are strong, you’ve survived everything you’ve been through so far – even if slightly battered and bruised sometimes, but I get there might be some stuff you’d like to tweak, we’re all a work in progress.
If you’ve set yourself some goals or resolutions I urge you to have a look at what you’ve decided upon.
Is it something you have control over? If it’s to earn a certain amount of money, lose a set amount of weight, get a promotion or something similar you may need to re-phrase it – you do not have control over these things. You can control your part of the behaviours required to a large extent, but you can only influence the outcome, not guarantee it.
Is it behaviour based? Following a certain diet, attending a new class, learning a new skill – fantastic, you have control over this! There is just a caveat to add – you need to do this in a self-loving way. That means forgiving yourself when you get it wrong, that means not constantly judging yourself, that means giving yourself a break while you practice getting it right.
I wish you all the best in 2020, whatever it holds for you.