Escaping The Cliff Edge

Last Sunday was the worst day I’ve had in a while. Storm Ciara hit the UK with strong winds and torrential rain, flood alerts and warnings were popping up all over the country and many people were badly affected.
My home was actually not affected, so why would it be the worst day I’ve had in a while? In 2015 we were affected by a similar storm. Storm Desmond brought 5 foot of dirty flood water into my home, ruining everything on the ground floor. We hadn’t really been prepared, we didn’t know how bad it was going to be so we put important bits on top of tables, moved a few valuables upstairs, packed our PJs, took the dog and went to stay with my parents for the night. The flood water didn’t recede enough to access our home for 3 days, we had nothing but the clothes we were wearing. Just over 6 months later we moved back in. flood-989081__480
So when Ciara came last week it felt like it was all going to happen again. It’s hard to relax when you’re watching river levels rising, roads being closed and cars getting stuck in flood water on Facebook. We were better prepared this time, we took lots of things upstairs, we packed the car with our valuables and enough clothes for a week and we were ready to leave at a moments notice if the call came. Which I was sure it would, any minute.
I put on my big girl pants, accepted that this was going to happen again, accepted that my plans for the year, which are based on moving house were going to have to be re-thought, accepted that I was going to have to plan another kitchen, pick new carpets, fireplaces and sofas all over, accepted that life was going to be turned upside down.
The call never came. The water went down and the threat diminished and come Monday morning I got up and went to work and life continued on as normal.
I should feel nothing but relief. But I didn’t. I felt mostly relief. 75% relief. The rest was something else. Disappointment isn’t quite the right word but it’s the closest I’ve got. I put a lot of energy into preparing myself and being OK with catastrophe and it never came. It’s the same feeling when you dreading that argument with your boss or other half and the argument never comes or you think you’re going to be made redundant and then your department is safe.
I’m suppose I’m telling you this to help illustrate that it’s ok not to feel how you think you should feel in any given situation. The best thing you can do is to accept how you do feel without judgement and know that it’s also OK if it changes.
I’m hoping that this is all not spoken too soon – I am writing this on Thursday night – over the weekend storm Dennis is due to strike and I think I might be fresh out of big girl pants.
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