Do you want to talk about it?
And does talking about it even help? Lot’s of people are a bit sceptical of talking therapies.
That’s a really tough one.
When does not talking about your problems, bottling things up, suppressing emotions or events and turning to other means, such as food, wine or your mobile phone, to cope with the pain, solve the problem?
Pretending the pain, whether it’s physical or mental, is not there isn’t going to make it go away.
And when does talking about your problems, being obsessed with the story you’ve attached to the feelings or event, stuck in the feelings they bring up and blinkered to any other way of being, solve the problem?
Talking round and round the pain, making it the number one, most central thing in your life isn’t going to make it go away either.
Each of those options makes me feel squirming in the pit of my stomach. I wonder if you get that squirmy feeling with either or both of those statements as well? For me, it’s because I know that, at different times, I do both.
It’s a sliding scale
In my mind it’s a sliding scale. A scale I’ve been at both ends of and most points along the way.
Standing face to face with your issue, telling your story, voicing how you feel is very important, even if it’s only with yourself, not another person.
So is knowing when to stop sitting in the story of your past and start making the story of your future.
It’s something that we move through at different speeds with each issue with have, sometimes its easy and sometimes it feels impossible. Sometimes we can do it alone, and sometimes we need a hand.
Sometimes you may need to let go of the story and the emotions attached before you can talk about it.
Sometimes you may need to talk about it to even figure out what that story and those emotions are. Bear in mind that the story that you create around the issue, is not truth, it’s only your understanding, and that story can be either helpful or unhelpful.
That’s why I think finding the right path for you is really important when it comes to therapies – explore and test a few out – what you are offered, or what has worked well for others may not work for you. That’s why I’ve trained in so many different techniques, everyone needs something different!
It’s always going to be different for different people – and even different for you depending on the situation and that’s OK.