How Do You Love?

I said last week (How Are You Feeling?) that I was going to talk more about how you know you are loved this week – so here it is!

Love is really what we are all aiming for – but we can fall into the trap of having rather narrow expectations about what it is, and how it should look. When that’s the case, we are likely to be missing out on enjoying a lot of the love that is around us!

For a start, there is much more love around than romantic love. Family, friends, neighbours – even people you see in the shops or on the streets are a source of love! Anyone who you share an act of kindness with really. Look out for the little signs of everyday love too – its just as beautiful.

But in closer relationships, and again, this doesn’t just have to be romantically, how do you know you are loving, and being loved?

They key to this is knowing what love language you speak. And the language the other side of each relationship speaks, so you can recognize love, whatever it looks like.

Love languages are broken down into 5 main groups – I’m sure you’ll recognize yourself in one or more of them.

  1. Words.

Not necessarily just “I love you.” It can be compliments, thank you’s, encouragement and kind words. Frequent check ins. Quick calls and texts.

  • Time.

Spending quality time together, even if not doing much. As long as you have undivided attention and aren’t playing second fiddle to a smart phone or football match.

  • Service.

Small (or big) acts of service. A cuppa in bed, emptying the dishwasher or running the hoover round. Little things that make life easier and ease some of the daily burden.

  • Gifts.

This doesn’t mean you’re a gold digger! It’s more about physical symbols that shows you’ve been thought off. It could be big things, but small things, like a cupcake, a flower, a postcard even.

  • Touch.

Yes, sex (if it’s a romantic relationship) – but also other kinds of physical affection. Holding hands, cuddles, dancing, quick kisses or a hand on the arm.

No two love languages are incompatible, but if you feel love and show love by spending time and your partner is speaking in gifts, then you are going to feel like you are being bought off with little trinkets, and they are going to feel short changed because you never give them anything.

Knowing (and letting others know!) how you show love is key – not just so others show you love that way, although that would be great, but so they know when you are showing love too.

Learning the love language of other important people in your life means you can appreciate love when they naturally show it their own way. It also means that you can make an effort to show them love in the way they like it.

Just knowing there are (at least!) 5 different languages means you are now more aware of how others could be letting you know how much they love you. Get out there and enjoy soaking it in.

About Anxiety

Anxiety affects everyone in different ways. Whether its general anxiety, phobias, addictions, habits, weight issues or anything else you do it your own way. So, it stands to reason that the solution should be as individual as you are. I use a range of techniques, such as Hypnosis/Hypnotherapy, Life Coaching, EFT, Reiki and many other tools I’ve picked up along the way to work with YOU to find the best fit. We can work online from the comfort of your own home, or you can arrange to come to my private therapy room near Carlisle, Cumbria.

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