The last few blogs have focused on feelings – talking about love languages and the traits of happiness, but I also want to touch upon “bad” feelings.
Firstly, as Shakespeare writes in Hamlet “nothing is either good nor bad, but thinking makes it so.” Somewhere along the line we’ve divided feelings and emotions into good/bad or desirable/undesirable and the truth is they all just ARE. They all play a part in our lives and when we fall into a trap of believing that you can avoid some and hold onto others, we punish ourselves.
What I want to look at in more detail here is anger and resentment. I can see a place in our lives for short-lived anger that inspires action. If a situation makes you angry, and snaps you out of indifference in order to take action – as long as it’s handled correctly and the anger doesn’t influence the action itself – I think that can be useful.
Resentment, I think, can pretend that it’s useful. Resentment is anger that has been held onto too long. It’s normally justified as a protection mechanism – “I need this resentment to keep me safe from a repeat performance.” As if by letting go of the anger you would forget all the lessons you learnt from the situation. Especially as resentments are usually directed towards a 3rd party, whether it be an individual or a collective, such as a business or group.
You can, for example, stop using your precious energy to resent an ex-partner that hurt you, without ever wanting or needing to speak to that person again, let alone allow them to be part of your life.
Letting go of the resentments begins with knowing what is really behind them. When you feel resentful about something someone has said or done, it tends to be because we feel that one (or several) of a handful of areas have been attacked or put at risk – our pride, our self-esteem, our personal relationships, our sexual relationships, our ambitions, our security or our finances.
If you can recognize that when X person did that, your financial stability was at stake and that is why I felt so resentful towards them I think it helps in a way to let it go.
It doesn’t change the situation that happened to you, but you may be able to look at it with hindsight and decide that it doesn’t matter anymore, that you’ve come through it. If you’re not ready for that yet, at least you have shone an honest light onto the situation. Awareness is always helpful.
Anxiety affects everyone in different ways. Whether its general anxiety, phobias, addictions, habits, weight issues or anything else you do it your own way. So, it stands to reason that the solution should be as individual as you are. I use a range of techniques, such as Hypnosis/Hypnotherapy, Life Coaching, EFT, Reiki and many other tools I’ve picked up along the way to work with YOU to find the best fit. We can work online from the comfort of your own home, or you can arrange to come to my private therapy room near Carlisle, Cumbria.