I’m named after my grandmothers on both sides. I have got my mums nose and Dads dark hair. The generations who came before are part of who I am. But it’s more than just DNA that gets inherited.

We also inherit beliefs and value from our parents, who inherited them from their parents and so on. We’d like to think that we think independently of our parents once we become adults, but it’s shown that’s not often the case.  The biggest indicator of how someone will vote politically is to look at how their parents vote. And, Most of us remain aligned (to some extent or another) with the religion of our parents.

A lot of that is really helpful. Our parents, and other influential adults in our lives, taught us how to behave to be an accepted and useful part of our communities. We needed that, and those that come after us will need that from us too.

But they also teach us things that turn out to be unhelpful. Sometimes unhelpful to the point of being beliefs and values that actually end up causing us harm. Of course, it isn’t done out of malice. It’s done because that particular belief kept someone along the line safe. It used to be useful.

Phobias are an interesting example of this kind of belief.

It’s amazing how many phobias are generational. Maybe you developed a fear of spiders because Mum screamed and panicked whenever she saw one near you.  You observed and were frightened by that fear and learnt the source of it, spiders, was something to be afraid of.  She did that because that’s what her Dad did, or because of an experience when she was young that scared her.

But because we learn these beliefs when we are very young, we don’t even think to question them. Before the age of about 7, you haven’t developed what is called the critical faculty. You trust everything you are told by people of influence. It get’s absorbed into your mind as an absolute truth, something you don’t even think to question. Then, as an adult you don’t understand why you can’t get yourself to achieve what you really want to.

Maybe you feel like you can’t take a moment to rest, you believe it means you are lazy and lazy equals bad.

Maybe you don’t think you are allowed to speak up for yourself, because good girls sit quietly.

Perhaps you must always put other peoples needs above your own, because that kind of sacrifice is just the done thing.

Perhaps you can’t walk away from toxic family members because family comes above anything else, no matter what.

When you start thinking about it some beliefs will come to the surface straight away, and you’ll realise how unhelpful they are to you now. It’s not always possible to drop the belief but you can decide to no longer give any weight to it.

It’s not a once and done job, it’s a real lifelong process. A question you return to whenever you feel like you are holding yourself back.

About Anxiety

Anxiety affects everyone in different ways. Whether its general anxiety, phobias, addictions, habits, weight issues or anything else you do it your own way. So, it stands to reason that the solution should be as individual as you are. I use a range of techniques, such as Hypnosis/Hypnotherapy, Life Coaching, EFT, Reiki and many other tools I’ve picked up along the way to work with YOU to find the best fit. We can work online from the comfort of your own home, or you can arrange to come to my private therapy room near Carlisle, Cumbria.

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