I’ve got it on my plan to write about normal families this week, and I’m finding it really tough. I love my family very much, but I’m not sure they are normal. I’m not sure any family is. There is always something going on with someone somewhere. A rift here, a drama there, something to bitch about, something to worry about, something (or someone) that needs “fixing”.
The reason I’m finding it tough to write about is that I don’t want to spill anyone else’s beans. It’s all fine and well me talking about personal stuff when it’s just my stuff, but not so when it’s someone else’s stuff too.
That’s probably fair enough in this forum, it’s kind of public, anyone could read it and although I would of course be sensible enough to not name names, people within the family may know what I’m talking about, or think it’s related to them and be upset about it. But it’s a similar feeling and thought process when it comes to getting support privately for many people. Often myself included.
But it has to be OK for you to reach out for support if you are struggling with a situation within your family. You can’t force anyone else to get help to resolve an issue against their will, but what you can do is get support for yourself. You can deal with your perception of the issue, change the weight of responsibility that you have taken upon your shoulders.
Remember it is not your place, let alone your job, to rescue others against their will. Even people you love.
I do get quite a lot of messages from people’s relatives asking if I can support their family member to do X Y or Z. (Quite often give up drinking, more about that in particular here.) If they are asking for an adult family member, I usually let them know that I’m sure I would be able to, if that person comes to me themselves for support. I also let them know, that if that family member decides they don’t want support, or even if they do, I can support them themselves to feel differently about the situation.
So here’s my message. Don’t feel like you have to keep things within the family if there is some kind of dynamic or situation you are struggling to cope with. Speaking to someone impartial is not gossiping. Get yourself some support. Don’t feel like just because you are not the one at the core of the issue this time you can’t say you are finding it tough.
Anxiety affects everyone in different ways. Whether its general anxiety, phobias, addictions, habits, weight issues or anything else you do it your own way. So, it stands to reason that the solution should be as individual as you are. I use a range of techniques, such as Hypnosis/Hypnotherapy, Life Coaching, EFT, Reiki and many other tools I’ve picked up along the way to work with YOU to find the best fit. We can work online from the comfort of your own home, or you can arrange to come to my private therapy room near Carlisle, Cumbria.